On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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