I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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