Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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