my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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