im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
