well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
