K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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