Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
