hotel room ftw
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
