If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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