you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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