What did we do last night that was yellow?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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