Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
