Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
