i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
