can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My cat gives me a boner
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
