My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
