if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
