The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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