she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
