Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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