your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
