Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
