i barfeds in our rink
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
