i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
