walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You smell like stripper and shame
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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