Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
