I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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