after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
