I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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