5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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