Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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