wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
