Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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