Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
