If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
