u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
