a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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