Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
