Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
