i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
