mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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