he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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