So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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