so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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