you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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