I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want a musical about memes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
