Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
