I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
