I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
