Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
