I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
