I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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